my loss

i've been wearing a lot of black lately.  i didn't quite realize this until a dear friend pointed it out one day as i strolled into my children's school in black leggings, black tunic and black boots.

i gave her comment a moment's consideration and arrived at the conclusion that i must be wearing black because of it's simplicity and neutrality.  black is safety.  you know it won't let you down.  no matter how many times you slip into that fitted black top, it still looks damn good.  black is generally accepted by everyone, it doesn't make a bold statement (or so i thought) it looks good with everything and it requires no thought... black with black, black with denim, etc.

i now realize i was wrong.  i wear black as a silent declaration of a loss of myself.  no longer the fearless girl in bright colors mixed with funky shoes and flashy accessory to finish it all off.  i've changed.  yes, it's happened.

i've become the angry bitch that can't get over her ex.  it's happened without me even realizing it.  i'm one of THOSE friends whose call you dread taking because you know it's going to be an hour long tirade of the latest bullshit and injustices that jack is inflicting.  i've become my divorce.  i realize it folks.  it's getting old, i know.  but somehow i can't help getting swallowed by it all.

so tomorrow i'll enter my closet, armed with this realization.  oh and please keep taking my calls...