now presenting...

managing a divorce is a rather time consuming and office-supply-intensive affair.  it requires lots of file folders, highlighters, printer cartridges, cell phone minutes and brain power.  i'm starting to feel like i need to go beg my doctor for a prescription of adderall just to retain all of the information i need to argue against all of the bullshit that jack is trying to pull.

since november i've been tracking everything~ each $ spent, our catty email exchanges, each day that he doesn't bother to take our kids to school, etc, etc. and i feel like i now need file folders to organize my file folders and i'm sure i am now the proud owner of the most extensive collection of highlighters that one could ever hope for.  i've invented several new highlighting colors by layering 2, sometimes 3 colors over each other to carefully categorize the absurdity of what jack has been spending.

yes folks, it's getting ugly.  (not that it was all that pretty before)

things have been less than cordial up till now, but this week we're talking money and jack is convinced he is taking his to the grave.  jack is due to receive a rather large commission check on friday and i think it's only fair that he pay the bills before he spends it elsewhere... silly me.  apparently he has made big plans to purchase a new home and needs some serious cash for a down payment.  um. where to begin with that one.

ironically, he scheduled the closing on this new home for the day that the check hits his account.  i guess he was hoping that if all the money went out the same day it came in that maybe we could all pretend it was never really there?

coincidentally we are scheduled for our first mediation that morning as well.  i guess jack was planning to show up to discuss disbursement of his commission wearing his best p p p poker face.  what a fun performance it would have been watching me carefully review all of my highlighted files and calculations for who owes what to whom and when it should all get paid, knowing that he had already spent it.

i'm wondering if it would be overkill to pull up to mediation blasting Lady Gaga's Poker Face dressed in leotard and stilettos?  i think it would really add to the spectacle that this discussion has seemingly become.