the amoeba

Despite arguing that on his 6 figure salary he doesn't have the capacity to pay the mortgage for the past two months, jack decided to prove he still maintains his "father of the year" title by taking our 3 kids on a week long vacation post Christmas.  He rented an extravagant beach house and promised the kids a holiday vacation they'd never forget.  


Teary eyed I waved them off and decided that a week alone may not be such a bad thing after all.  But I'm thinking I might not be making the most of it.  My head has enjoyed a carousel-like ride of angry resolve to create a better life and sobbing hysterical realization that my family is dissolving.


And I'm three days in and fairly convinced that I've become an amoeba.



I move in a sludge like motion between my bed on the top floor and the comfort of my chenille sectional in my dark basement with my down comforter and the E! channel as my constant companions.  The impulse purchase during my trip to Costco last month of chocolate covered pomegranate seeds has proven not only a good buy after all but an adequate meal between bowls of microwave popcorn and the reese's trees that once filled the kids' stockings.  I'm careful to avoid any areas of the house that require cleaning and am crossing my fingers that the dried up Christmas tree doesn't combust into flames from the lights remaining on continually for the last 120 hours.


Still not convinced of my amoeba evolution?  Let's take a closer look, courtesy of Wikipedia...
    
Amoebae most recognizable features include nuclei and a simple contractile vacuole to maintain osmotic equilibrium. (fair enough) Food enveloped by the amoeba is stored and digested in vacuoles. (or thighs) Amoebae also have no definite shape.  (I'm pretty sure I'm rapidly getting there) Amoebae, like other single-celled eukaryotic organisms, reproduce asexually via mitosis and cytokinesis.  (not sounding too bad right about now) In cases where the amoeba are forcibly divided, the portion that retains the nucleus will survive and form a new cell and cytoplasm, while the other portion dies. 


Oh god, I hope I'm the portion that retains the nucleus.