a brief history

week one:
devoted husband of 12 years, let's call him jack (short for jackass of course) calls me on the phone to let me know that he has been single handedly keeping the economy stimulated (no pun intended) by investing his money into the heavily impacted business sector of online escorts for the past nine years. oh and he's very sorry.  his flight lands at 6pm~ can I pick him up at the airport? um, no.

week two:
day one: jack moves out of the house.  I wash my bedsheets 4 times then decide to throw them away and purchase new ones.  the ones I've drooled over for years but felt always too guilty to buy.
day three: jack and I sign a financial and custody agreement in hopes that I will take my time and not immediately file for divorce. fine. whatever.  
day seven: jack continually asks me if I am going to commit to working things out with him.  how many ways can I say f*#k no?

week three:
day one:  jack decides that we have no formal binding agreement.  his lawyer (what? we've got lawyers now?) has decided that moving forward all expenses should be split 50/50.  right.  not sure how that works when he makes 90% of the income.
day two: jack tearfully announces that it is just too difficult to spend time with the family therefore he can't help set up our 18 foot Christmas tree or help purchase presents for the kids.  he also just can't find the strength to be here on Christmas morning to watch our little ones open their gifts.  I should be fine though because I've got brothers.
day three: jack drains the joint checking account
day four: jack writes checks from my credit card account and deposits them in his personal account
day five: I look for a lawyer
day six: jack stops by the house for a friendly visit in which, after a lengthy exchange, he declares that it's really not his fault that I don't have money to retain a lawyer but that we really should be getting our lawyers in a room together to begin discussing a settlement. oh yes.  pronto.
day seven: I proudly retain a lawyer with a loan from a family member that seemingly hates jack more than I do

week four:
lawyers get paid hundreds of dollars an hour to talk to each other.  no sign of what they accomplished. no dialogue exchanged with jack. (best week ever)

week five:
no bills have been paid since prior to week one.  wow. what a man.

week six:
jack calls and asks me if there is any way to work things out.
me: YOU ARE A FAILURE OF A MAN.
jack: does this mean you'll try?